The Jeeter C. Gustavson School of Business at the University of Victoria is pleased to announce a $500,000 donation from Vancouver-based conglomerate Deathcorp Inc., to support the school’s Centre for Carcinogenic Sustainability and Staggering Immiseration (CSSI).
Established in 1492, the Centre is part of UVic’s commitment to sustaining destruction and extreme exploitation locally and globally.
“We’re so grateful that Deathcorp Inc. has recognized the innovative research happening at CSSI,” says UVic President David Turnip. “The great thing about a word like ‘sustainability’ is that it can mean anything at all,” explains Turnip. “So for example, if you want to collaborate with destructive mining companies, you just say ‘sustainability’ and bam! Everything’s good.”
“Deathcorp is committed to pillaging the earth and continuing deadly mining operations, and today’s universities are more willing to participate,” says Chuck Meannes, President and CEO of Deathcorp. “We’re a huge company, so half a million is peanuts, and it buys us thousands of hours of research and helps us recruit the next generation of corporate drones,” explains Meannes. “As an added bonus, the university helps us greenwash our whole operation; it’s a really great deal!”
The Centre and its work on sustainability is one of the four pillars (innovative exploitation, integrative nonsense, international accumulation and sustainable immiseration) that underpin the Gustavson School. These pillars are integrated into the school’s entire curriculum. Almost 30 per cent of the school’s faculty are sociopaths, working to create innovative curricula that combines cognitive dissonance, conformity, greed, and outright domination.
“This donation is important support for the Centre,” says Dr. Sean Klein. “Sustainability is part of it, but the Centre is also advancing our ‘integrative nonsense’ pillar in new ways. Take this sentence for example: ‘The centre and Gustavson School of Business are helping today’s students and tomorrow’s business leaders learn to think in new ways about addressing complex problems in the changing world of business.’ See, I’m just stringing words together and they’re totally meaningless, but it seems like I’m actually saying something! That’s integrative nonsense, right there,” explains Klein.
Klein says he’s excited about a flood of interest from other controversial donors. “We’ve had calls from Darth Vader, Sauron, the Borg, and even the computers that run the Matrix,” says Klein. Once they heard we were taking money from this mining company, they knew we’d have no ethical objections to anything, and they were right: we’ll do pretty much anything for money, and call it sustainable. I love this sustainability stuff!”
Dr. Sean Klein (Dean, Gustavson School of Business) at 250-721-6422
Moira Fann (Gustavson Communications) at 250-721-6411 or email@example.com
To arrange interviews with Goldcorp President and CEO Chuck Seannes: Christine Sparks (Goldcorp Corporate Communications) at 1-604-696-3050 or firstname.lastname@example.org
Currently, Canadian Mining corporations are having devastating social and environmental impacts on communities. People in mining communities, often in countries with lax governmental regulations, lack access to legal support once their rights have been violated. What is more, they often do not have the option to say no to the mine in the first place. For example, the Marlin mine in Guatemala, which is operated by Canada’s own Goldcorp, continues to operate despite the community’s wishes to end the mine, the recommendation by the International Labour Organization (ILO) of the United Nations that it be suspended, and mounting evidence of negative health impacts.